Ok, so 2009 has been kicking my ass big time. I'm not afraid to say it. Not only is it kicking my ass, I am having a hard time catching up with it, too. Slow down the train, I'm still tying my shoes! Damn! LOL!
On New Years' Eve, my mother-in-law was sent to the hospital by her doctor because she had had a heart attack (Yes, we filled that waiting room with 13 family members!). Rounding out the next three weeks: my brother-in-law went to the hospital for a blood clot/heart attack (drs. have no idea which came first and caused the other); a good friend of ours was in an auto accident which basically severed all of his fingers on one hand; we figured out the amount of taxes we're definitely going to have to pay this year - a buttload of them is all I'll tell you; I've been told by my mechanic (aka my big brother - talk about cheap labor - and yes he's a real mechanic with his own business) to sell my car and get a new one NOW while I still can - which means, of course, a new car payment - oh yay; my husband's job has laid off a lot of people and is having mandatory 1 day a week layoffs for most of the remaining employees; my job has been out of control, crazy, busy; I can't seem to get on top of any of my household projects/chores; and I've manage to not read any books at all this year when I normally am reading several at the same time. In fact, I'm so behind it's taken me over a month to fninish writing this blog. I know, it's insane!
On a good note, all of the aforementioned ill people are doing very well (including our friend with the severed fingers who has had numerous surgeries, with more to come, and who should regain full use of his hand when completely healed), my job is starting to slow down a bit (well, sorta), we have some money set aside for taxes, we should be able to manage a car payment even with the layoffs (although I'll probably have to cut back a bit on my CD addiction - I know that's just crazy talk you say), we're planning a trip to Disneyworld with my mother-in-law for later this year (which I found out today is going to cost about $1,000 less than we anticipated, but still, I don't even want to think about how many CD's and LIVE paraphanelia that'll cost me - lol), and, oh yeah, I've managed to start a daily meditation practice thanks to some well timed encouragement and the Holosync program (http://www.centerpointe.com/). OK, so I'm still behind on my household projects and reading, but I think that'll work itself out in time. I hope. LOL! Hmmmm, I wonder how many CD's a month it'll cost me for a maid?
During one of the many trips to the ER last month, a family member commented that her kids no longer believe in God because they cannot believe in a God who is supposed to love and care for us but allows people to die senselessly. It occurred to me that this line of thinking puts a lot of unrealistic expectations on God. And even though it is a common thought process, it doesn't seem quite fair if you ask me.
Now I'll stop here and say that this isn't meant to be commentary in any manner on religious beliefs and/or spiritual philosophies of any sort and I'm not criticizing anyone's belief system or religious deity. I'm not anti-God or trying to push any personal agenda. I further preface all of this by saying I am using the term "God" in the most commonly understood and most generic sense of the title that I possibly can.
So I began to wonder, who decided that it's God's job to be responsible for EVERYTHING that happens to us as a human race? And if I was God, I'd be kinda pissed off that I was given that job. Now, granted, he gets a lot of credit for some amazing shit that people manage to accomplish with a lot of hard work (think of any awards show you've ever seen). Still, I don't think I would want that job. Humans are a fickle bunch and we would much rather blame someone everytime something goes wrong than accept that perhaps we might have been responsible or even, *GASP*, that it was just pretty much dumb luck or a case of shit happens. And I mean "dumb luck," and "shit happens" in the broadest sense - that could be because of any of a myriad of natural reasons which could be explained better by a Buddhist monk or a quantum physicist than myself, or because we made a wrong turn two years ago and set in motion a series of events which eventually led to our current predicament, or any other number of complex or simple explanations you can come up with. All of which, I might add, do not involve a conscious decision by God to let something bad happen to you or one of your loved ones or be the actual cause of that bad thing, including death.
That's what it boils down to, really, isn't it? The blaming of God everytime something goes wrong. "Why did God LET this happen?" or "Why did God DO this to me?" or "What did I do to deserve this PUNISHMENT?" All questions and thought patterns which place the responsibility for what happened squarely as a deliberate act by God. I don't think we should give anyone that sort of responsibility, no matter how omnipotent they may be. Setting aside, of course, how illogical it is to say that God is loving, just, caring and almighty but accusing him at every bad turn of maliciousness and, well, murder. Ah, but perhaps I stray too close to the line of questioning personal beliefs with that comment and I apologize. I just tend to like things in neat logical boxes. I'm a little OCD that way.
So, the next time you or someone else blames God for somethng that has happened, stop for a moment and ask yourself: "Do I reallly think God did this INTENTIONALLY?" After you answer that question, then reconsider how you feel about the situation. I think you may see things in a different light. Perhaps, even, from God's perspective.